This love story between a boy and a mysterious ghost girl had a promising start, but with slow pacing and questionable plot twists, Sublime was anything but.

From the Book Flap:

True love may mean certain death in a ghostly affair of risk and passion from New York Times bestselling duo Christina Lauren, authors of Beautiful Bastard. Tahereh Mafi, New York Times bestselling author of Shatter Me calls Sublime “a beautiful, haunting read”. When Lucy walks out of a frozen forest, wearing only a silk dress and sandals, she isn’t sure how she got there. But when she sees Colin, she knows for sure that she’s here for him. Colin has never been captivated by a girl the way he is by Lucy. With each passing day their lives intertwine, and even as Lucy begins to remember more of her life—and her death—neither of them is willing to give up what they have, no matter how impossible it is. And when Colin finds a way to physically be with Lucy, taking himself to the brink of death where his reality and Lucy’s overlap, the joy of being together for those brief stolen moments drowns out everything in the outside world. But some lines weren’t meant to be crossed…

Overall: Colin meets Lucy when you she magically appears at the creepy boarding school he attends. It’s a small remote school, so the addition of a new student should draw some attention, except it doesn’t. Lucy isn’t quite invisible, it’s just that people don’t really notice her. Of course Colin and Lucy notice each other immediately. Why? Because they are in love. Although I’m not sure why since there is no meaningful dialogue between the characters, but whatever, I’ll just go with it.

Spoiler Alert: The rest of this review contains some spoilers. Read at your own risk.

No young romance is without its problem and this is no exception for Lucy and Colin. Lucy happens to be dead, which is really inconvenient for her new boyfriend Colin, who is mainly concerned with getting into Lucy’s deceased pants. Despite the fact Lucy is dead, she and Colin can still touch. But the physical contact they are permitted in Lucy’s afterlife isn’t good enough for Colin. It’s the equivalent of second base when Colin wants to go all the way. (Actually there are detailed scene where Colin gets further than second base with Lucy, but Colin wants to go all the way.)  Luckily, they come upon a solution. If Colin can bring himself to the point of near death, he can have a hot and heavy make-out session with Lucy in the in-between world. So Colin and Lucy with the help of Colin’s best friend Jay, set out to throw Colin into a FROZEN LAKE so that hypothermia can work its magic and Colin can finally get some!

I would do anything for love....yawednesdays

Honestly, this is the most ridiculous premise I have read in a long time. Colin and Lucy are not in love, they are in lust. If this were true love, Colin would be happy just have Lucy to talk to and have limited physical contact and Lucy would never allow Colin to risk his life just so they can get off. Lucy is a ghost and no one seems all that concerned in figuring out how she died or why she’s suddenly haunting the school. Nope, main concern is making her corporeal enough to screw.

Needless to say, things don’t end well for Colin and Lucy. I won’t ruin the ending for you but here is what I took away from reading Sublime: Boys who think with their dicks shouldn’t date dead chicks.

Judge a Book by its Cover: The cover image of ethereal Lucy reaching for teenage Colin is best thing about this book. However, I’ve seen two versions of the cover, one where Colin is wearing a T-shirt and one where he’s shirtless. For some reason Colin looks about 30 years old on the shirtless cover. Not sure what was going on when the publisher decided they wanted to make even the cover of this books totally inappropriate.

Sublime. Shirt vs. Yawednesdays

Just. Why.: The entire book had me asking myself ‘why’. Really, the more I think about it, the more disturbed I get. Essentially Colin is engaging is erotic asphyxiation in order to have sexy time with a ghost? Just….NO.

He Said/She Said: There are many, many ridiculous quotes in this book. Here is but a sample:

“She looks like she could rip through the wool of his trousers with only a dirty word” –Narrator. This makes Lucy sound like a rabid badger.

Lucy’s touch makes me crazy because it’s always almost enough to feel good, but then it stops short” –Colin. How profound. This kid is quite the romantic.

No way could we be together like that. And it’s not even about that” – Colin. Umm, yes it is about that. That’s ALL this is about.

“In between being cold and being dead, there’s a lot of room” –Colin.  This is what happens when boys think with their dicks.

“I don’t want sex so much that it’s worth getting it elsewhere”-Colin.  But you want sex enough to intentionally give yourself hypothermia? Dafuq?

 Image result for dafuq

Open tab/Last call: It appears these ladies were hitting the sauce a little too hard when they came up with Sublime. I think it’s time for a detox. The bar is definitely closed.

“All I know is that when I’m closer to death, I’m closer to her”. Good luck with that. Check out the book trailer here.

Sublime by Christina Lauren, Published by Simon & Schuster, Oct 2014, 352 mind numbing pages.